YA Scavenger Hunt w/ Kathryn Holmes & Bonus Giveaway!

Hello, YA scavenger hunters!

My second book, HOW IT FEELS TO FLY, is about a 16-year-old ballet dancer with body image and anxiety issues who gets sent to a therapy camp for elite teen artists and athletes after she starts having panic attacks. I’ve written before about the ways in which this book draws on my own history as a dancer—check out this post on Epic Reads and this post on the blog It Starts at Midnight—but I have yet to share any actual writing from when my struggle with my body image was at its peak. Luckily for you, I’ve recently rediscovered a lot of my childhood and teen writings. (Thanks to my parents for cleaning out the house where I grew up!)

For this YASH, I’m excited to share two poems about ballet, both from my writing youth. The first is from 8th grade—before the body image issues hit too hard. The second, I wrote around age 19, when my relationship with my body and with the dance world had changed pretty dramatically.

So without further ado…

“The Big Night” (1996)

I’ve known my part for weeks and weeks.
I know I cannot fail.
But somewhere deep inside of me,
my doubts start to prevail.
Will I fall? Will I get hurt?
I simply do not know.
But all my nervousness is lost
backstage before the show.
Then I step out onto the stage,
with intense concentration.
I jump, I turn, I twist, I leap,
my mind fills with elation.
For I’m not nervous anymore,
no time to think right now.
I stop, the world still spinning,
and take a single bow.

“Swan” (2002)

The company didn’t send anything bigger
than a medium, and so we’re sent downstairs
without our feathers, leotard-clad fledglings
with broken wings and bleeding feet.

Odette follows us to the dressing room, watches
as we cover ourselves, trying to slip back into
street clothes without exposing bare skin.
“You know,” she says, smiling, “it’s a good lesson.
Look at a swan: graceful, elegant, light.
That’s what you must be—weightless.”  

We apologize, faces hot with sweat and shame.
It’s our fault. We don’t look like the rest.
There’s a reason we’re at the back of the flock.
(love for it can only go so far…) 

Listening, I’m grounded, pinned to the earth
by a few extra pounds and a “normal” waistline.
She keeps talking about how easy it is to fly.

The second poem is about an incident that really happened, when my high school ballet company performed an excerpt from Swan Lake. A version of that story made it into HOW IT FEELS TO FLY, as one of main character Samantha’s most humiliating memories. And yes—there’s a good chance the last line in this poem inspired the title of the book, although I didn’t make the connection until after HOW IT FEELS TO FLY was already on shelves… J

Enjoy the rest of the scavenger hunt!

~Kathryn Holmes

And don’t forget to enter the contest for a chance to win a ton of books by me, Kathryn Holmes, and more! To enter, you need to know that my favorite number is 27. Add up all the favorite numbers of the authors on the pink team and you’ll have all the secret code to enter for the grand prize!

To keep going on your quest for the hunt, you need to check out the next author!